Our Pink Party

If you know me well, or have followed this blog for any length of time, you know that until 2 1/2 years ago I was a widow.  I was raising my 5 children on my own.

As many single people know, holidays can be hard, especially Valentines Day! While I was feeling alone and sad, my children desperately wanted to 'celebrate'.  The first Valentines Day after Phillip died, I don't even remember what, if anything, we did.  But the second, 2008, I was determined not to allow my heartache to cause me to miss life anymore. John 10:10b was brought to mind "I have come that they may have life, and they they may have it more abundantly."

This had actually been a decision I had made right before Christmas 2007. I felt God speaking to me and reminding me that He had plans for my life and that part of those plans were for me to actually enjoy life!! Whether I would remain single or remarry, He wanted me to trust Him and to enjoy where He had me at the time and those around me, mainly my children!

So, as Valentine's Day drew near, I decided to love on my children! I planned out a fun party; heart shaped pizza from Papa Murpheys, candy, cake, balloons, decorations and of course Valentines! We had a blast and The Pink Party was born!

The Lord blessed me with a wonderful man to spend the remainder of my life with later that same year and still Our Pink Party is our tradition. Even last year when we were at our other house trying to prepare it for renters and without our decorations, we improvised and still had our pink party!

This year, as we prepare for our Pink Party, I am thankful for the blessings the Lord has given me. I have been reflecting on His unfailing Love! And I am fervently praying for others who are heartbroken and hurting, that they may be comforted by Him and rest in His love.

Multiple Blessings

We finally trimmed the tree last night!  It seemed that we would never get to it this year.  The kids had so much fun and it looks beautiful.  Our tree is full of ornaments with sweet memories, underneath is stacked with presents that will bring more memories and my heart is full!

As I look at the gifts placed under it, including 10 pair of pajamas for kids (our Christmas tradition), I thought of our mismatched family. We will celebrate with 10 children this year (and for you 4 who are technically adults, you're still kids to me). Three weren't born into our family but they are part of it now! Because of life, we won't all be together at the same time either, but we will have time with all of them at some point. What this means is a lot of planning, a lot wrapping paper and a lot of love!   God is good and I am so blessed!! 

Hard conversations

Yesterday, Chloe and I were driving home.  She said "What do you think my dad (Phillip) would think if he met dad (Dan)?   That would be weird wouldn't it?"  Where was I suppose to go with this one? 

I responded, "When they do meet, in heaven, I bet your dad will say thank you. He knew that he wasn't going to be around to raise you and he wanted you to have people in your life who loved you. He would be happy that Dan made the choice to be your dad here on earth since he couldn't. And I know that your dad is watching you grow up and he is so proud of who you are becoming."

Sometimes it saddens me to know that they have to wonder these things and process through so many difficult things. Yet, I know that God has a plan and that He works all things together for good!  And I'm so thankful that He is working in my children's lives and that they have so many people who love them. 

Changes, or maybe not?

Oh, I really do not like plans changing.  I mean really, really, really do not like them changing.  I think it is a control thing (no rolling eyes or laughing from my family please!).  I want life to come in a nice little package all tied up neatly with a bow, a purple bow!  That would make me very happy!  But, alas, it is not like that. 

For about a year I have been thinking, talking about, and planning where we will go and when.  Ha, wouldn't you know it, I might not get to be in control of that!  What?!?  Oh yeah, I said I was allowing God to shape my life and go on His leading.  OOPS, forgot that part!  As with everything in life, and the military, it most likely won't happen on MY schedule. 

You'd think I would know this already.  Allow God to do His work and wait on Him.  He has a plan for our family and He is working it out in His timing. 

"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit"; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow.  For what is your life?  It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.  Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that."

James 4:13-15

Ok, ok.  Again, I give it back to the Lord and wait on Him.  Wow, I'm such a sheep!!

This homeschool year.

This year we are involved in a Classical Conversations Community.  I am so thankful for this new way of schooling.  I've always wanted to homeschool classically but I didn't really understand how.  This is my 10th year of homeschooling and most years I am totally burned out by mid October!  Not this year!  It is a lot of work but we are all having a good time and learning so much.  I only wish I had found CC sooner!

With CC, I have the flexibility to 'do school' the way it works for us yet have the accountability the kids and I both need to succeed!  I love love love the families in our community and am so blessed to be a part of this!

God's leading

I can feel it, that tugging on my heart.  I know I am being asked to do 'something'.  I don't know what that 'something' is and it scares me to death. 

Dan is putting together his packet and will have it submitted by the end of the month.  This packet will be his application to the Chaplain Corps and he is requesting active duty.  I am honored to stand by him as he takes this step and we head out soon on a new journey.  But I am also scared.  All the 'what ifs' cross my mind.

I've done this before.  The submission of a packet, the news of acceptance, the orders to far off places.  All the excitement and sorrow as I said goodbye to my family for the first time, ever.  We went away to new adventures.  Those new adventures brought the deepest pain I have ever felt in my life.

Logically I know that my former husband becoming a Warrant Officer in the Army and our family moving to Germany did not take my baby girl from me.  I know that those steps and decisions didn't cause his brain cancer.  I know it wasn't a punishment from God for not doing things right.  I know that God allowed those things in my life to serve a purpose, His purpose. 

However, the part of me that remembers holding Mollie close to my heart during the many days in the NICU, in a foreign hospital, feeling so alone, wonders.  The part of me that stood by as they wheeled Phillip off to surgery #1 and #2 and watched as he underwent chemo and radiation and held his hand as he took his last breathe in the wee hours of the morning, wonders. 

That part wonders, what will this adventure bring?  What will I be asked to let go of?  Can my heart take another loss?  Will I survive? 

And the answer is Yes, with God I can.  Because I know without a doubt that "He will never leave me nor forsake me" (Hebrews 13:5b).  That His word says "Do not fear, I will help you." (Isaiah 41:13)

I am scared to death because of the what ifs but I am also excited to see what He will bring to us.  There are many people who need to be ministered to.  There are families falling a part.  If Dan and I can be an encouragement, a listening ear, a support to just one person or one family it will all be worth it.  God is calling us to do 'something' and we are listening and taking those steps. 

I'll say it again, I am honored to stand by his side and take these steps and support him in what God is calling him to do.  And together, strengthened by God, we will face whatever may come our way!

Remebering 9-11

Just about everyone has their remembrance story of Tuesday, September 11, 2001.  People will be sharing with one another a lot over the next few days. 

It makes me think of when I was in high school and we were talking about JFK and his assassination. My teacher said that just about everyone who was around at that time could tell you almost exactly what they were doing and where they were when they heard the news.  I think it is the same with 9-11. 

With this being the 10 year anniversary, there will be many tributes and remembrances.  I would like to focus on the children and families who lost loved ones on that day.  Having lost people I love before I thought they should go, I know that grief never really ends.  It changes and it becomes easier to deal with as you heal, but it is never gone.  You still remember the person and what they meant to you.  You still hurt some times, especially on important dates like the anniversary of the death, a birthday or another special date. 

My heart goes out to the families who will be remembering the person they loved and missing them.  I hope that we can set aside our differences for just a moment to think of the families who are grieving those who were lost on that day as well as the many who have given their lives in the days since then protecting our nation.  My family will spend time in prayer for those families that are missing someone because of that tragic day.