Dull....

God has done some amazing things in my life. First and foremost, He drew me in and Saved me. He loved me when I was unlovable and drowning in sin. That right there should be enough.

The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3

Yet, He also molded and changed me into a more loving and compassionate person. He walked with me through some very dark times. He held me when I was scared. He carried me when I couldn't walk anymore on my own. He brought me into the sunshine from the dark and healed my broken heart.

And with all of that, I still became dull in my love for Him. I'm not even really sure when or how it happened. It was a slow fade. I think I just became complacent. Things that were supposed to happen, weren't and things that weren't supposed to happen, were. I wasn't on fire anymore and was impatient and demanding, with Him and others in my life.

However, in His great love, He was infinitely patient with me. He sent others to love on me and gently show me where I was lacking and being impatient. It was a number of small conversations and realizations that made me aware of my dull and dry life.

And slowly, with prayer, love and patience, He ignited the fire in me again. I have found a new zest for Him and for His word. I feel His presence again. I am excited to be in His word. Worship brings me to tears at times and continues to fill me with joy. I don't have a recipe or process to share. All I can say is that I'm so thankful He is faithful.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:2

Oh, and the things that were supposed to happen still aren't happening yet and the things that weren't supposed to happen are still happening. But my God is big and He is in control and I have turned back to my first love.

Christmas ramblings!

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love the lights, the trees, the candy, the presents, all of it! I do know that Christmas isn't about all these things, but I love them anyway.

I also love to give gifts. I love to find the perfect gift for someone and to watch them as they open it. Even if I'm not the giver, I love to watch others receive. Sometimes it is hard to wait.

One year, I knew what my dad had bought for my older brother and I couldn't wait for him to finally open it. Being a young adult, he was acting all cool about it and was really slow in the opening part. It was killing me! I kept repeating, "Open, open, open!" (that was the year Mervyn's had the commercial where the woman would stand at the door and say that).

When I was a young mom with only 2 kids, I did the Santa thing. One year, I was telling my step-mom about the gifts I purchased for the kids. I bought one of them a deeply desired game for the game boy and the other a Barbie carnival thing. She asked if those were the Santa gifts and I said "No, Santa is bringing them clothes." She was shocked and told me that Santa was supposed to bring the biggest, best gift. My response was "I don't want some mythical guy getting the credit for these great gifts! I want them to know I picked them!" This is one of the reasons we don't do Santa now. :) Remembering this always makes me laugh!

We have 8 children to buy for now. And, we simplify the giving. We give our kids 3 gifts and their stockings. One is something to wear, one is something to read and one is something they want. The something to wear is always pajamas and we open this on Christmas Eve.Then we have cocoa and watch a movie. This is one of my favorite traditions we have in our family.

Our hope is that the 3 gifts helps them to remember that the wise-men brought Jesus 3 gifts that first Christmas so long ago. Just a small way to keep the heart on what's important.

Baby Steps

I have felt for awhile that God is calling me to do something, only I don't know what. I spent a lot of time wondering and praying about the what. Eventually, I realized that He wants me to start somewhere. He is asking me to take a step and see where it leads.

I believe one of those steps is to reach out and help a hurting person. I have been blessed to facilitate a group which helps people walk through grief. Having walked through grief myself, I can share with them the day to day struggles that come with healing. I can also be a light and a hope to how God can and will heal if we wait on Him and trust Him.

I still don't know where God is taking me, but I am taking His lead and have faith that He has something for me.

As we finish up our first session of our group, I'm reminded of God's grace and His great love for us. He walks with us through difficult times and comforts us as we allow Him to heal us. And then He brings other people to us to walk with in their difficult time. And I'm realizing that the greatest healing of all comes from reaching out and helping someone else. Amazing how He works.  

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

My inspiration to be Greater!

The story of Esther has always inspired me. She was a young Jewish girl who was thrust into royalty because she was beautiful. Once she entered the palace she learned that her people were in danger.

She could have kept quiet and done nothing, especially considering that if she spoke up to the King without being summoned, she could be put to death! However, she called on people to pray and fast with her and was bold to go before the King. This act saved her people from death.

Whenever I read Esther, I am inspired to step out in faith and to be bold. To walk where God is calling me. My favorite verse in this book is Esther 4:14 b: ..."Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

I am also blessed with a husband who inspires me to be Greater! My husband is a strong man of God. He is intelligent, hard working, honest, sweet, kind, considerate, and loving. He has served his country in the Navy for 15 years active duty and 7 years ago began the process to become a Navy Chaplain, where God is calling him to serve. In that time, he went to seminary for his Master's in Divinity and is continuing on for a Master's in Christian Counseling. At the same time, he works a demanding, often more than full time job which requires him to travel. He also serves in the church and on the Navy base. And on top of all that, he tirelessly cares for me and our children.

Often people aren't aware of the work he does. He does all these things without seeking recognition. He does it because he feels God is asking him to. I am inspired by him to step out and do what God has called without recognition, without even knowing where the path will lead. He inspires me to truly seek God and to trust Him in everything. He is my hero.

I accept....

The invitation to Imperfect Progress. 

In her book, Unglued, Lysa Terkeurst defines imperfect progress as 'slow steps of progress wrapped in grace'. And she as challenged readers to accept an invitation to imperfect progress.

Oh how I want to change! I don't want to be the crazy, freakout lady whom everyone has to walk carefully around. I don't want my children to fear my next rant. I don't want my husband to wonder if I have finally, completely lost it.

I want my family and those I come in contact with to see Jesus in me. I want them to see a sinner, saved by grace, who loves loves loves others! I want the 'words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to be pleasing in the Lord's sight'. I want to live love like in 1 Corinthians 13; patient, kind, not proud, and keeps no record of wrongs.

I can't do this on my own. I need my Lord to give me the strength and the grace to walk in Him each and every day. He is willing and able to do His part, and I must be willing and able to do mine.

Hosea 10:12 'Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.'

It is time!

• I will sow righteousness by choosing to honor God in what I say and do. Even when the kids are all crazy and not listening, even when we are LATE, again, even when I feel icky, even when there is a grasshopper hopping around the house and dinner is bubbling over and the baby is crying and the other kids are literally "bumping into my happy"! I will choose to not react poorly!

• I will reap the fruit of unfailing love with those choices. I will always have God's love.

• I will break up my unplowed ground by allowing brokenness to change me. New comes out of the broken places, I know this already. I will rest in that and trust the One behind the plow.

• I will seek the LORD now! I will seek Him for His changes. Allow Him to create grace space in my heart. Allow Him to take the empty spaces and grow grace!

• Until He comes and showers His righteousness on me I will give grace to those who hurt me. I will choose to show them love even when they don't deserve it. Because I will remember that He gave me love when I didn't deserve it either and still does, every day!

I will do all this with the strength of the Lord who gives abundantly to those who seek Him.

Thank You, Lord that You continue to work in me. Thank You, Lord that You have and continue to redeem the yuck in me. Thank You, Lord that You love me even when I'm not acting loving or kind or even very nice. Thank You, Lord that You have made me a new creation. Today, I ask for the strength to walk in that love and grace. I ask that You will remind me of all the wonderful grace and forgiveness You have given me so that I may give it freely to others. I pray that You will give me peace that passes all understanding and remind me of Your truths so I will not be discouraged. Thank You, Lord that Your grace is new each morning.

Amen!

Might you join me in this journey of imperfect progress? I will pray for you to see the work He is doing in your life as you take those steps and walk in His grace.

The evil "J" word!

The "J" word is unfortunately a word I know all too well. Since I was young, I have found myself getting jealous. This jealousy comes from comparing my life to others.

I was thinking about the comparison trap. I am so easily locked into this. I don't really know why, but I'm guessing it's because of discontentment at times. I love my life, I love my husband and my children and I love being a stay at home-homeschooling mom. Yet, every once in a while, I see or hear about someone living their dream and I start to become jealous and compare what I think about their life with the hardest parts of my own.

And that is the problem, I don't know what their life is really like behind the front door. I can only see and speculate as to what I think it is like. The reality is we all have difficulties. One of this weeks memory verses is Galatians 6:4-5 "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load."

The Lord doesn't want us to fret over someone else, He wants us to look to Him and to follow what He has called us to do. We are all created differently with different gifts. My gifts do no look like someone else's gifts and neither do my difficulties.

In John 21:21-22 After Jesus had restored Peter from his denial, Peter asks Jesus "But Lord, what about that man?" (referring to another disciple) and Jesus said to him "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow me." I think we all need to remember this. God has a purpose and a plan for our lives that is uniquely designed for us. He doesn't make mistakes. He wants our focus to be on Him and what He has for us to do.

I had an opportunity to share this with my daughter recently. Our church has a play every year at Christmas time. It is a big deal and tryouts start in September. It is open to children from 2nd to 6th grade and this is her last year. She was hoping to get a main part with lots of lines. She practiced her singing (she has an amazing voice) and her acting. Tryouts came and she was encouraged. But the day they revealed the parts, she didn't get the one she hoped for. Instead, a friend of hers did.

She was disappointed. She came to me and we talked about it. She shared how she really wanted a lot of lines and that she really wanted the big solo! I could feel her pain! I prayed about how to best help her and God gave me the words. First I told her how I understood her disappointment. I understood what it was like to not get what you want and to see someone else get it.

And then I began to teach her how to keep from letting the disappointment turn into jealousy. I told her to remember that the play wasn't about her, it was about glorifying God. The whole point was to have fun and to share the Gospel. I reminded her that every part was important, not just the one with the most lines. The play couldn't happen unless every one participated. I helped her to see how she, and everyone else, has a very important role. And then I asked her to think of things she did have, things she was thankful for. I was hoping that by focusing on the blessings in her life, the disappointment wouldn't fade. She started making her list and became happy for her friend and excited about her part. She began to talk about how much she was going to practice so she could do the best job ever!

An amazing thing happened in my heart. God whispered, "That's what I want YOU to do as well. Focus on your blessings. Work on what I have for you to do in your life." It's amazing how a lesson that I am teaching to my daughter speaks so much to me.

In my walk with the Lord, I am learning to be content. As Paul says in Philippians 4:11 "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." This has been a stretching process for me. It doesn't come natural but thankfully God is working in me!

So lets remember: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefor, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:9-10.

Lord,
Thank You for this wonderful morning, a new chance to walk with You. Thank You that You have a plan for each one of s. Thank You that You created us with unique gifts. Lord, today I pray that we will look to You for what we should be doing in our lives. I pray that when we start to look at others and compare that we would remember to simply 'Follow You'. I pray that we would bring love to others and not grow weary in the work You have. Thank You Lord that You continue to work in us.
In Jesus Name,

Amen

My Unglued Procedure Manual

Lysa Terkeurst shares her procedure manual in chapter 7 of Unglued. I used some of her ideas and personalized them for my own.

1. Remember who I am and whom I belong to. God! I have told my children this for as long as I can remember. We are redeemed (Eph 1:7), accepted (Eph 1:6) and blessed (Eph 1:3) by God and created by Him for good works. (Eph 2:10).When we focus on the fact that we are children of God, created for good things, molded and shaped by Him, we can walk in those truths and it will affect the way we react.
2. Refocus on what's really important. One question to ask is: 'In the light of eternity, does this really matter?' (2 Chronicles 20:29-30, Acts 26:16))
3. Move out of the way - let God work. He is much better at it anyway. I think a lot of my unglued moments come from me wanting to control the situation or having an expectation of how something should be. In reality, I can only see what is right in front of me. However, God sees the big picture and He has a plan. (Jeremiah 29:11, 2 Chronicles 20:15b)
4. Gratitude - plan and simple. Thank God for what He has done and is doing! (Psalm 100:4, Psalm 147:7, Colossians 4:2)
5. Consider my legacy. How do I want to be remembered? Do I want people to fear me coming unglued or do I want to be remembered as a self-controlled woman of God? Proverbs 31 comes to mind here!

Lord,
Thank You for saving me and loving me. I need Your help to stay focused on the important things. Help me to see You in every situation. Help me to move out of the way and let You do Your mighty work in and through me. Thank You for Your love, provision and growth in my life. I pray that I can be a quiet spirit today as You work in me. I pray that I will hold my tongue and stay controlled and 'glued'. 
In Jesus Name,
Amen