We are full into the Christmas season, complete with a snow day this week! The tree is up, ornaments on and even managed a few outdoor decorations. I love Christmas and always have. Even before I was a Christian, I knew there was something special about this time of year. My parents did a good job making it special for us too!This year is different for my family because we are thousands of miles away from those we usually spend Christmas with. Of course so are most of the families around us, so I feel kind of whiny even mentioning it.
This isn't the first time we have been away. Ten years ago, November 2004, I was married to an Army Warrant Officer and we had just arrived in Weisbaden, Germany. In fact, at this time that year, he was in Iraq for what was supposed to be at least 6 months. We had 4 kids and I was pregnant with #5. I remember being so depressed and feeling so sorry for myself! I cried a lot and missed home so much. I was certain that it was the worst thing to be on the other side of the world and to have my hubby gone.
If I had known then what was to happen in the following 2 years, I'm pretty sure I would have looked at that time differently. Just 7 weeks later we learned our unborn baby girl had some very severe complications and they sent my husband home on emergency leave. Her story is told here: Mollie's blog in the 2011 posts. She battled hard after her early birth but a mere 33 days later she went to be with the Lord. After only 6 months in Europe, we headed back to Washington with heavy hearts. A few months after arriving there, my healthy and strong 34 year old husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. The young man who had served his country; first in the Marine Corps and then in the Army; for 16 years and fought in war zones three different times, was facing his greatest and last battle. He fought hard and admirably for 2 years. July 2006, we said goodbye to him as we stood by his side at his last breath.
A decade has passed since the beginning of that very difficult time. The Lord is faithful and He brought peace and comfort in my grief, He brought new experiences and He turned ashes into beauty. He brought me another love who was brave enough to take on me and my children. And He brought us a new adventure.
When we received our orders to Virginia this past May, I thought about how it is so much like God to work things out in ironic ways. Exactly 10 years and He again took me away from all I knew and put me in a place where I am completely dependent on Him. At times I struggle with loneliness, depression and anxiety, wondering what will happen this time around. Yet the Lord is still faithful, even to a sometimes faithless and fearful sinner such as me. I know that He is and will continue to do amazing things with and through my family.
The difference this time is that I know He will be there, no matter what! Even though I struggle, I turn back to Him and trust Him. I have walked through the valley and He was right beside me. I'm learning to grow where I'm placed and to find joy in everything.
Although it's hard, I can say 'It is my joy to say, Your Will, Your Way!'
